remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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