he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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