I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
