brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
