I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
