I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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