just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
