Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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