All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
