I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
