Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This house was built for laser tag.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
