So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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