Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Actions speak louder than pants.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
