I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
