once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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