in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
