she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
