apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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