Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
