I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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