I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
