Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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