His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
