im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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