she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
