I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
