shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
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Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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