last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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