you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
