I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
