it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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