woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
