I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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