Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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