im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
