What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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