1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
