We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
