There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
