My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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