I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
