Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
