I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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