well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
