I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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