i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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