So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
