am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
