I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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