Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My bed smells like the plague
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