shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Rumble strips road head = magical
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
