When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize