I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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