my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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