She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
