U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize