Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize