her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
