maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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