I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
