ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drake has all the answers
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
