I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
