He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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