Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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