I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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