I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
