you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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